8 – ‘Local government nightmare’. Or, what might Gordon Ramsay say?

After watching an episode of ‘Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmare’ I was tempted to write a brief script for an episode based on local government being a restaurant. I think it would go something like this (language moderated) …

GR:                         So, tell me, what is the name of your restaurant?

Response:           Local government.

GR:                         Is that it? Isn’t it a bit generic? How will patrons know what to expect?

Response:           We will give them what they always get.

GR:                       So, they get whatever they got the last time they visited local government? No point of difference from other local government? Are you sure?

Response:           Yes.

GR:                        OK then. So, tell me, what cuisine do you offer?

Response:           All of them.

GR:                        What?

Response:           We offer all cuisines. We will serve any type of food that patrons want. They name it, we make it.

GR:                         If that is the case, how do you create atmosphere, give your patrons a great experience and ensure that you have the quality right, if you will try your hand at anything?

Response:           We do our best. Our staff are well trained and they work very hard.

GR:                         I see. At least you will get points for effort! Can I see the menu?

Response:           We don’t have one.

GR:                         What!

Response:           We did have one but there are too many items to list. It was like a book. It had chapters in it!

GR:                         So, tell me then, how do people order? And how do they know what it will cost?

Response:           Well, everyone pays an annual fee. Then they turn up and just tell us what they would like, how they want it prepared, and we do our best to deliver it.

GR:                         There must be a lot of dissatisfied customers. How do you know whether or not you have met their expectations and provided them with what they wanted? How do you manage your kitchen to have the required ingredients? How do you have chefs able to cook each of the cuisines well?

Response:           There are problems with customers. Some of them are just impossible to satisfy! When they tell us they are not happy, we just try again. We do have to stock lots of ingredients and we do need a lot of chefs so that we can cater for the range of orders received. I can’t really see any other way of offering a service that meets the needs of everyone.

GR:                         This is amazing. I haven’t seen a restaurant like it before. To be honest, I can’t see how you run this place at a profit. You must waste a lot of time and ingredients.

Response:           We do.

GR:                         Then how do you keep operating and why do people keep coming back?

Response:           Well, we are the only restaurant in town.

GR:                         …

posted by Whistler